BerkeleyPC

I love HR

bulldog — Wed, 10 Aug 2011 03:55:06 +0000

You know how Human Resources is always sending out those helpful reminders… You know the ones… Its against company policy to blog during working hours…. or…. ‘Are you guilty of Sexual Harrasment?’ Check out these 10 telltale signs… and today I got one about ‘How to make friends!’ Too funny.

And of course in my mind each one of them was sent to the entire company because of something I did. At least that was how it looked to me.

Here you be the judge:
While I was senior manager of technology a hot stud from another department asked to meet with me about possible ‘openings’ in my department. We talked for a while, I got a hard on while thinking how I could possibly get him to ‘do’ me in return for getting the job and the ongoing raises that would surely come from it.

The next day, the 10 dont’s of sexual harrasment came out.

So when I finally got bored of my job as a business analyst, shortly after I realized the only way I could save the company money was by being a roadblock to my bosses stupid ideas, I started blogging daily. My blog became very popular also. Once I reached the top you guessed it, the HR memo on blogging not being allowed during working hours. Like everyone in the company wasn’t already aware of it.

Well I no longer am working at that company. Not really sure why but they determined I should be downsized.

So now I’m at a brand new company and its starting again. My boss came into my office early in the morning and asked if I’d done anything fun over the weekend. I certainly couldn’t tell him I’d been on a 3 day bender, drinking with different friends every night so I just gave a non-committal, ‘yeah… uh… it was fun’… And I said it it really did sound like I had absolutely no fun and I was a total loser.

He looked at me kind of strange. At first I thought he might be noticing how bloodshot my eyes were, but then we moved on to work stuff. Later that day him and the VP of IT came into my office and we started joking about another person in the office and how happy he was. They all had their theories each one prompting a big laugh. Then my turn came for my theory:

“Yeah, I wonder what drugs he’s taking!” I said.

That one didn’t get as big a laugh and things became uncomfortable so we moved on to work topics.

So then today the email comes out on how to make friends. LOL. Let’s see if can remember it…

Oh yes… strike up a conversation with at least one person per day.
If’ your the timid type, try rehearsing the conversation in front of a mirror.

I kid you not. But the good news is I don’t think they can fire you for not having a social life. And besides, you are all my friends… Oh yeah, I forgot, nobody reads this blog.

Is Michael Jackson still alive or is he getting some type of New Age work release?

bulldog — Fri, 15 Jul 2011 02:09:23 +0000

So I was driving by the Oakland Coliseum on my way to my new job today and I saw the news. “Michael Jackson’s new World Tour” and its called none other than(Trumpet blare, drum rolll) : “Immortal”

Well that says it all doesn’t it. So please weigh in:

1) Michael Jackson never really died he was pretending so he could sell more records and promote his new tour: Immortal!
2) He did die but he is coming back to do tours.
3) He did die and he won’t be back, it will just be a stupid movie of him dancing around the stage going “whoo!” “whoo!” and pulling up his pant legs.

I for one hope its number 1. That would be awesome. Quite possibly the best marketing scheme since ‘New Coke’.

Let me know what you think!

A good deed to help law enforcement do their job.

bulldog — Tue, 21 Jun 2011 01:51:28 +0000

Partner and I were driving down I80 this weekend when we saw a woman ‘texting while driving’.

We took a bite out of this crime, oh yes! I rammed my car into hers and ran her into the guardrail.

Then partner called the police because ‘Texting while Driving’ is illegal.

Do you want an Ice Cream cone?

bulldog — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 16:26:23 +0000

I remember when I was about 7. Karen Casilio, who was 8 and much more worldly than I, and I were on the outs ever since I quit ‘club’ and drew some unflattering pictures of her. She must have forgotten all about it on this day however as she offered to buy me an ice cream cone. I wondered what the catch was but thought I’d just play along to see if it was for real.

I had already told her I had no money so she wasn’t trying to trick me into buying her one. So she says… “Ok, wait right here!” Right here was on her grandmother’s porch. Karen walks in to grandma’s house quietly and pretty soon I hear..

“What are you doing you little bitch!”
“I need some money, so shutup you old coot!” That was Karen.
“Not my money god dammit get out of my purse you BITTCHHHH!!!’

Then I heard some crashing, a dish broke and then I heard a thud. Then a few seconds later, Karen walked out very pleased with herself and said ‘Ok, lets go!’.

So we walked about 1/2 a block to the Humdinger. I had a medium chocolate cone and Karen had a combo chocolate and vanilla and my cone wasn’t poison or anything.

But alas, that was the last ice cream cone Karen ever bought for me and the last time I remember hearing ‘grannie’s’ voice.

Karen Casilio

bulldog — Wed, 01 Jun 2011 05:57:00 +0000

I remember club. Club contained Marla, myself and Karen Casilio our self appointed club leader. She was fat, ugly and mean and I hated her but Marla and I were pals so I tried the club. It mostly consisted of Karen trying to show her superiority and using Marla as her faithful companion, we would sit at the piano and Karen would ask us where ‘middle c’ was. Marla of course, being involved in piano lessons at the time, and Karen obviously already knowing the answer and me, a totally keyboard ignorant fool just guessing.

So since I was the only one who didn’t know the answer, I was always forced to go first. And of course me selecting B or D wasn’t acceptable so I was severely graded down for my poor performance.

Other times we’d have to draw shit. Another one of my non-talents that only made me look foolish.. At least until Karen had to leave early one day and Marla and I were left to draw untethered to our wonderful ms. Karen, self appointed group leader..

Well left untethered my artwork flourished. With no one but Marla watching I was able to draw exquisite elephants and hippos with Karen’s name attached. I was at my peak and left them in ‘teacher’s’ folder.

I never attended another one. I did peek in through the window one time, Marla looked desperate and trapped when she saw me and Karen mouthed ‘…don’t look at him..’

Is Nevada City, Berkeley lite?

bulldog — Wed, 01 Jun 2011 04:21:34 +0000

Ok, so I’m a little confused. Today I was at SPD buyiing some limes. You know I figured, its Tuesday and I worked hard and it made sense I should reward myself with some world class margaritatas. Don’t worry, I didn’t drink them alone, partner had one.. (a token to my consumption but hey, who’s counting?).

So I was standing in the ‘quick checkout line’ the one with the guy that always glares at people but turns out to be ok once you get to know him…. and I look over and there is Trevor, my pal from my former work environment here, but I digress, I’m sure there will he more to tell about that wonderful place of wine worship later but right now is not the right time.

So I’m in the line and the woman waves through everyone behind her, including me, because she wants to ‘…ask a question…..’. And she’s nice enough to not want to delay anyone behind her while she asks her question. Me with nothing but time on my hands these days, I refuse of course, and make her ask her question in front of me. In reality, I just wanted to really know this all important question.

It appears there is a conspiracy going on. She had 2 bottles of honey. Both were by the same company. The intimidating, but actually nice once you get to know him guy at the register, asked her what the question was.
‘Ok so these 2 bottles of honey are by the company in Penn Valley.. but I read the label and they say the honey is from bees that are sucking on clovers in northern Montana. I certainly don’t want the honey if its from bees from Montana’… or something like that.

I was sure she was a Berkeley transplant and I still am. But of course my goal was to get my Margaritas made.. I felt a kinship nonetheless and If I see her again I’ll definitely interview her for this blog. As for the outcome, the intimidating cashier told her she should call the company in Penn Valley to get her answer. Seems reasonable to me.

Ok 3 MG”s later and good night!

An Old Favorite, The Wind Powered Car

DebbieD — Sat, 28 May 2011 17:24:14 +0000

Hello again,

Sorry that we’ve sort of dropped off the planet for a bit. But we’re back.. And to get things started, please re-read the post that really started this blog. It all happened when partner and I moved to Berkeley and we realized, ‘wow, these people are weird.’. So to understand Berkeley, just wrap your head around this post that defines this blog:

The Pride of Berkeley... the Wind Powered Car

Thank you for your interest in Berkeley’s Wind Powered Car.

In Berkeley,California we pride ourselves on being at the forefront of many social and political discussions. We believe in using our unified voice to demand social change whether we are fighting against global warming,wars for oil or the destruction of our environment in the name of progress,we are leading the charge to make the world a better place for all.

About the Wind Powered Car.

Invented by students at the University of Berkeley,The Wind-Powered Car is at the forefront of the environmental and energy revolution. The car,powered only by wind,is able to get from point A to point B on a windy day. While the car still requires some fine tuning before it is accepted for mass production,it remains a viable alternative to oil guzzling behemoths on the road today.

Some of the issues we are trying to solve:

1) Days with no wind

At this point we are looking at several alternatives to the wind-less days problem. One suggestion is to add pedals to the vehicle. Another suggestion is to include a compartment to hold 4 pairs of rollerskates. For now we are maintaining a close distance to public transportation whenever we take the WPC for a ride.

2) Won’t this destroy our oil based economy

We sincerely hope so.

3) Couldn’t this jam up roadways and freeways should wind all of a sudden stop?

See item 1) Days with no Wind.

We are in need of additional funding for this project and we are looking for venture capitalists intent on saving our planet! Please contact BerkeleyPC if you’d like to discuss a partnership.

We’re not in Berkeley anymore…

DebbieD — Fri, 27 May 2011 01:37:57 +0000

Partner was pointing out that this blog has sort of fallen by the wayside. I guess mainly because we no longer live in Berkeley. Sorry for lying. We have moved, so we would like you to just pretend everything we write is about Berkeley.

Speaking of which, partner was helping a friend with her stage set when he met the friends cousins. Or ‘cousins in law’, I’m not sure which. And he knew immediately that they were from Berkeley. I met them also and I said, ‘Yep, Berkeley!’.

Its weird that you can tell by looking but sure enough. So when they started ‘helping’ partner with their Berkeley-esque advice on how to set up the stage, he wasn’t happy. I guess they had run out of things to bitch about in Berkeley so they came up to make partner’s life miserable.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Berkeley. I was at Lake Tahoe and an Obvious Berkeley-ite was driving through the parking lot. I was driving through the same one and our paths crossed… I stopped and waited for her to pass so I could turn right. She just stayed there and pointed her righteous-pointing-finger to my left to let me know I was wrong and I needed to turn left. After all, couldn’t I see the arrows that were currently underneath my vehicle????

Well little did she know, I’m from Oakland. So I just backed up and then went around her front end, turning right still, but a little less right than I wanted to, but still perfectly illegal. That is if breaking parking lot laws is illegal. And I was victorious because I got the parking spot I wanted. Perfect spot right by the door. No it wasn’t a handicap spot, probably a good thing because that would have taken her past the breaking point and I would have been bloodied in some way I’m sure.

Nevertheless she was livid. She wasn’t about to let this obvious infraction go unchallenged. After all, how could she hold her Berkeley head up? Nope, she had to yell one last thing at me so she could win.

‘You almost hit that little boy!’ she yelled at me while hanging half out of the Berkeley-mobile.

But I was ready for her.

‘What little boy?’ I said. And then she got back in her ‘I’m better than Oakland’, Berkeley-esque vehicle and left.

So, while we don’t live in Berkeley, it seems we don’t need to for me to be able to continue relating the antics of all people Berkeley. So we aren’t changing the name of the blog and we are back to provide more insight into the Berkeley PC culture for those people out there who have probably met Berkeley-ites and didn’t know it. Keep reading this and you too will soon be able to quickly spot them.

Ok, Signing off 5 days after being snubbed and left behind while 2 to 3% were taken into the clouds for everlasting life.

Blog issue with [...] more tag.

bulldog — Fri, 27 May 2011 01:14:56 +0000

Ok, sorry but my blog no longer works right. The [...] is supposed to take you to the rest of the article but it doesn’t do anything. It’s kind of cute though and makes the blog look very professional so I guess I’ll just leave it. Besides I don’t know how to fix it. So if you’re wondering what the rest of the article says then just call me and I will read it to you.

Ok enjoy, and thanks for reading my blog.

How I became Evil

bulldog — Wed, 25 May 2011 20:03:46 +0000

Let me give you some background. My sister told me that when I was young I was a really sweet person. Then she believes that brain damage made me evil. She pointed me to a book by Dr. Amen called Change your Brain, Change your Life. In the book he makes the case that severe head trauma can cause personality change.

Since I really don’t remember much of anything before the ‘incident’ I’m not sure if I was ever a sweet person so I can only take her word for it.

The Incident

So we were playing rocket ship in the attic of our garage. Laird, Robbie and myself were there. The attic was mostly unfinished with just a few boards you could walk on right in the center. If you stepped outside of that small space you would fall.

We thought it would be a great idea to create some rocket ship chairs out of cardboard. The best bet was to put these chairs, lounges really, between the struts. So that’s what we did. We wrapped the cardboard around the studs and then nailed them on top. This seemed secure to us.

So we started playing rocket ship and we hit some turbulence and had to get into our lounge chairs quickly. I got in mine and I remember watching Laird bouncing off the ships walls and laughing. That was the last thing I remember before the tides turned.

So apparently, I fell about 10 feet and landed head-first on the concrete. My father later said landing on my head was what saved me. I wasn’t sure what he meant by that. My father also told me he heard me crying and came out to see what was going on and found me staggering towards the house. “I thought you’d been over at doll’s”. Doll was the African American alcoholic that lived across the alley from us.

So I was able to get up and walk into the house in a semi-coma and I woke up out of the coma about 20 minutes later, my head pounding, still crying and evil thoughts running through my head. Here is where my descent had apparently begun.