You know how Human Resources is always sending out those helpful reminders… You know the ones… Its against company policy to blog during working hours…. or…. ‘Are you guilty of Sexual Harrasment?’ Check out these 10 telltale signs… and today I got one about ‘How to make friends!’ Too funny.

And of course in my mind each one of them was sent to the entire company because of something I did. At least that was how it looked to me.

Here you be the judge:
While I was senior manager of technology a hot stud from another department asked to meet with me about possible ‘openings’ in my department. We talked for a while, I got a hard on while thinking how I could possibly get him to ‘do’ me in return for getting the job and the ongoing raises that would surely come from it.

The next day, the 10 dont’s of sexual harrasment came out.

So when I finally got bored of my job as a business analyst, shortly after I realized the only way I could save the company money was by being a roadblock to my bosses stupid ideas, I started blogging daily. My blog became very popular also. Once I reached the top you guessed it, the HR memo on blogging not being allowed during working hours. Like everyone in the company wasn’t already aware of it.

Well I no longer am working at that company. Not really sure why but they determined I should be downsized.

So now I’m at a brand new company and its starting again. My boss came into my office early in the morning and asked if I’d done anything fun over the weekend. I certainly couldn’t tell him I’d been on a 3 day bender, drinking with different friends every night so I just gave a non-committal, ‘yeah… uh… it was fun’… And I said it it really did sound like I had absolutely no fun and I was a total loser.

He looked at me kind of strange. At first I thought he might be noticing how bloodshot my eyes were, but then we moved on to work stuff. Later that day him and the VP of IT came into my office and we started joking about another person in the office and how happy he was. They all had their theories each one prompting a big laugh. Then my turn came for my theory:

“Yeah, I wonder what drugs he’s taking!” I said.

That one didn’t get as big a laugh and things became uncomfortable so we moved on to work topics.

So then today the email comes out on how to make friends. LOL. Let’s see if can remember it…

Oh yes… strike up a conversation with at least one person per day.
If’ your the timid type, try rehearsing the conversation in front of a mirror.

I kid you not. But the good news is I don’t think they can fire you for not having a social life. And besides, you are all my friends… Oh yeah, I forgot, nobody reads this blog.